I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
