Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
