Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
