im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
