I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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