How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
