My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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