he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to cum in my sink.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
