If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
