Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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