Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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