Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
