I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
