Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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