Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
