I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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