While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
