Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize