he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
