I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize