Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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