no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
