I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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