there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
