I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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