so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
