NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
