so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
