this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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