I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize