Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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