Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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