For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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