chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
