It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize