Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
