Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
