my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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