I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
