Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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