i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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