Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
