I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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