Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
