I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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