Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
