you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
