My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
