So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
