Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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