Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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