Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
