So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"it" just moved
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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