This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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