You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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