I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
40s are totally the cure
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
