based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
