At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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