How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize