I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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