Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
