At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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