We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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