dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
