The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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