Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
