You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i love accidental penises.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
