Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
