she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
