You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
