Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
